Changes...

Training for this race is changing me in ways I hadn't imagined. The changes sometimes seem too many to list. I knew there would be some physical changes associated with an increase in my training load but the mental and physical changes that I seem to be going through are totally unexpected.

This past week I looked in the mirror and for the first time in the four years since I've lost all my weight I noticed my body changing again. For those who didn't know me a few years ago I used to weigh a little over 200 pounds. Through a combination of diet and exercise I lost about 50 pounds (as much at 65 at one point) in a few month period and have been fortunate to keep it off. This week I also realized that my shorts don't fit right anymore. I haven't lost any more weight but have lost at least another inch off my waist. If I didn't know better I'd say my waist is down to 30". No 6'1" grown man should have a 30" waist!!! The good news is that my weight is being maintained. Any body fat I had is being used as fuel and in it's place muscles seem to be growing. Through the combination of swimming, biking and running my body is changing yet again.

I pretty much feel completely exhausted most of the time. As a result I seem to be crankier, grumpier, and more forgetfull. I've come close to letting some bills slip through the cracks and sometimes catch myself being irrationally upset for no reason. Sometimes the littlest of things upset me. I would consider myself a pretty happy go lucky person who smiles and laughs at most things. Lately I feel like a completely different person. Smiling seems to be further and far between and almost daily I seem to forget something that moments earlier I had told myself not to.

Today when I finished my workout Luna and I went to the grocery store. I walked out to the car and opened the door to get in and I realized that my car is filthy. I thought to myself, "what have I become?" My car is never dirty! I have been training so much that I've let that slip too. What's next??? What else am I forgetting to do these days?

Don't get me wrong- I am still excited about my race. I have no regrets with regards to the sacrifices that I've had to make to train for it but I dream of what my life will be like after the race is over. I can't wait to sleep in both during the week and on the weekends. I can't wait to have a social life again. Three different people have asked me this week what my social life is like these days and I've had to respond to them that I don't have one. In the last few weeks I have made more of an effort to get out of the house, do some things, and meet some new people and am so glad I did. I can't keep hiding behind my training as an excuse not to move forward in certain areas of my life. I am working on finding a happy medium- a balance between training and living.

Come October I will be ready to have my life back, to smile more and to do the things that I haven't been able to do lately.