Failure and Success

I'm sure you've heard the term "bible belt" when referring to the deeply religious people in the southeast. Well I happen to live in the bible belt and those of you who are familiar with the rural parts of North Carolina surely have seen the sayings and quotations that are written on the signs outside of churches. More often then not they crack me up. They are usually cleverly written with a nice play on words. I always read them and they usually make me smile. This weekend I came across one that really inspired me at a time when I needed it most. To say it was a "sign" would be corny but lets just say it was the perfect saying at the perfect time.

First let me explain why it had such an impact. When the alarm went off on Saturday morning the first thing I said to myself was, "damn I'm tired". I should have known better and gone back to sleep but I stuck with my routine and got up. I was out on the bike by 4:00am and within the first hour knew it was going to be a tough day. I just didn't have anything to give. My legs were tired, they felt so heavy and I was moving slower then I ever have on the bike. To make things worse it was dark and I was cold. I just wanted to quit. At 8:00am I headed over to the store to lead the group ride and was hoping nobody would be there. I had decided I was going to call it a day if nobody showed up. There was someone in the parking lot...one person...I guess the ride was on. I led (from behind I might add) a 60 mile ride and was struggling to hold on. I watched my speed drop with each hour. Nothing was working to get me moving faster or feeling better. I got back from that ride and had only ridden 120 miles. I was done. I went home and laid down for 30 minutes until the guilt got the best of me and I headed out the door to try it again. I made it another 30 miles and felt like I couldn't even turn over the pedals. I tried to push on but I was done...completely over being on the bike and could think of nothing more then stopping, so I did. I made it 150 miles (cutting the ride 70 miles short) before I went for my run. This is where the day got worse. Peter wanted me to run a quick 5 miles off the bike but since I cut the ride short my goal was 4 miles. I headed out the door and ran the fastest 4 miles I've run in months. I was so upset. What did that mean??? It's not fatigue, it's not nutrition, but instead it was something mental. It wasn't my body not able to pedal my bike...it was my mind not allowing me to do so. I know how to fix being tired, I know how to fix bonking but I don't know how to fix a mental barrier that has been developed related to cycling.

So where does the church sign come in...well on the group bike ride there was a sign in front of a church right outside of Gastonia that read,

"Failure is a success if you learn from the experience"

I felt like a complete failure on Saturday. I didn't even make it close to my goal mileage for the day and when I ran off the bike I felt fresh. That was not the type of workout I needed so close to my race. If the church sign was correct then I needed to learn from this failure and turn it into a success. I struggle with figuring out how to learn from this failure since it isn't anything tangible. It is something in my mind that needs to be identified and worked through.

The more I think about where I went wrong and why I was not mentally ready to ride this week I start to realize where I can make some changes this coming week. Last week I was housesitting/dogsitting so I wasn't at home and had three dogs to watch. That took me out of my element and routine. I'm back at home this week and have a recovery week in front of me. What I need to do this week to be sure I am ready for the next few weeks of training is as follows:

1. Sleep more and take naps. I've been staying up later at night- partly due to reading a new book and partly due to not being able to sleep. I need to put the book down and do some Yoga before bed each night to ease my tension.
2. Eat better. Since I don't have a job I can workout anytime of the day and as a result I eat meals at different times each day. I need to get back on a schedule and stick to it. My calorie count has been dropping because of shifting these meal times around.
3. Stop obsessing about being unemployed. For someone who doesn't have a job I am way to stressed out all the time. This has effected both my sleeping and eating as well as my mood. Things will work out and I just need to have faith and focus on the task at hand.

There it is. Three simple things to do over the coming weeks. I have under a month now and my nerves are becoming more unsettled every day...