Where is my edge?

Here I am 12 days away from what will be the most physically ridiculous thing I have done to date. There are so many emotions and thoughts running through my head. From the moment I wake up in the morning until the last second before I fall asleep I think about this race. Each day that passes brings me one day closer to the start line and also makes my nerves a little more tense.

The other day while working at the store I overheard a customer talking about his first ironman experience. It made me think back to the night before my first iron distance race. I remember being so nervous. I didn't know if I'd be able to do it. Would it be possible to cover the distances of all three sports in one day and before the cut-off time? I'd never done that before and was full of uncertainty. Two years and several races later I am still nervous and still full of uncertainty. This time is a little different though. This time I am not worried about covering the distances of all three sports. Peter has turned me into a machine and I am confident in my ability to get out of the water and off the bike. The run will be a different story but I think it will be manageable. What I am worried about this time is how my body is going to react to 30+ ,or so, hours of constant motion and no sleep. I've never been up for 24 hours intentionally before and I certainly haven't been in constant motion for that long either.

I have been told many times in the past few months that the human body is not designed to be doing what I am doing. I am in total agreement with that statement. It has taken me a while to come to terms with that but I do agree that this is just not normal. What I am subjecting my body to is not healthy and not what it is intended to do. Still, I push further and keep going. A few years ago at Death Camp I first heard Steve Watkins say, "You don't know where the edge is until you step over it." Since then that quote has stuck with me. Where is my edge? At what point will I totally break down and not be able to continue moving forward?

Do I really want to know the answers to those last two questions? Well you know what- in 12 days I will be one step closer to finding my edge. However, I am hoping I do not step over it.